Beneath
by HerElle4Ever
Summary: "Torn between two lovers." That's what Fiona is feeling right now. Would she regret going back to Degrassi? Would she make up her mind before it was too late? Fimogen/Folly J POV. then a bit Eli and Imogen.
1. If Only

I'm so in love with Fimogen so I was inspired to write a story about them.

I like Folly J as well so I thought of combining two love interest of Fifi.

I hope you'll like it. ^_^

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi and it's characters.

FIONA's pov

Holidays are over and I'm back at Degrassi. It may not be my last semester but it will be for Imogen. I would still need to stay for one semester because I failed last sem. Just like what happened to Holly J, she will graduate and leave me here. If only I've met her sooner, things would have been different for us. I still want to be with her but I've decided to take things slow. I don't want to rush things with her. She's all I've got here. But still I'm afraid to text her. I can't figure out what to tell her. I left her before without saying goodbye, I know she's mad at me for that. She never returned any of my calls. If she only knew I did it because just one beg from her, I will surely not go to New York. And I can't do that to my mom. My mom needed me.

It's been my third class and still I haven't seen her. I'm hoping in my next class I'll be able to see her, sitting next to me. The bell brought me back to reality. Eli was looking at me as if I'm a lost puppy. He knows I'm day dreaming again.

_"First day of class and it seems you already lost interest. No wonder why you're still here this sem."_ Eli said laughing

_"Ouch."_ I replied acting as if I was hurt, but I was joking as well. Then there she is, standing in front of her locker looking for something inside. My heart jumped when I saw her. She is beautiful as ever. Prettier than the last time I saw her. My Imogen.

_"Imogen!"_ Eli called her name. She glanced at us, waiving her hand but a little shy. Do I detect awkwardness in her actions? But why?

Eli and I went towards her. I heard Eli asking her about her vacation. From a shy-awkward-girl suddenly transformed to a jolly-nerdy-girl we know while telling her stories to Eli. She's practically avoiding me. My glances, my stares. What's happening to Imogen? I can't take it anymore. I have to go, if she doesn't want to talk to me, then fine. I'll stay away from her if that's what she wanted. I'll give her time to think things through. That's how much I love her.

_"Um, I have to go and talk to Mirasol about joining the student council. Tah tah."_ I just said trying to hide the sadness in my voice.

I saw Eli's face got confused. Before he could say anything, I turned away as fast as I can to avoid questions.

Imogen

_"Are you guys breaking up?"_ Eli said to me joking. I can't help myself to be guilty about Fiona's reaction. I guess she expected me to run into her like I've always do and kiss her. After she left without any word, I find it hard to forgive her. Fiona doesn't trust me. She never did.

I rolled my eyes._ "We're just friends Eli."_ I said hiding the hurt in my voice.

_"Yah right and I didn't just saw the loneliness in your eyes."_ Eli said tapping my shoulder._ "I'll go ahead Imo."_ I just nod.

_"Oh Fi."_ I whispered her name as if my longing for her would ease up a little. I missed her so much.

FIONA's pov

I'm definitely not in the mood today. After talking to Mirasol about this sem's candidacy for VP in student council, she practically consumed my remaining self control. Her wanting to be the president is a big joke. She think that she can rule the school with her puny little brain. That's absurd. If only I'm allowed to just skip the last class and head home. I can't wait to call Holly J about what happened today. Everything.

I entered the room and was thankful that I was still early for class. The last thing I want is to be in detention for snapping while being scolded for being late.

_"Fi!"_ Eli called. At least he's here to cheer me up. I smiled at him and then I glanced on the girl right next to him. Imogen is talking to someone beside her. When I approached the table I can feel how hard she's trying not to look at me. Pretending I don't exist. I can't take it anymore.

_" Are you trying to prove something? Because I don't get your point for not talking to me."_ I must have said it aloud because the whole room suddenly seemed quiet. All of their eyes are pinned on me. Eli's trying hard not to laugh, Imogen looked at me shocked then I feel my cheeks reddened.

I swear I could kiss our teacher when he walked into the room. He saved me from humiliating myself more. I can see Eli grinning and then I throw him a sharp look. That made him laugh more. I was about to kick him when our teacher said.

_"You might want to share your joke with the class, Mr. Goldsworthy?"_ He said. Eli stopped laughing then looked around him. I swear I saw his face turned red. I faced him smiling. _"Sorry."_ he said then whispered to me.

_"Your fault."_ he joke. I just gave him a slight tap on his shoulder. Then I glance at Imogen, who looks uneasy. I don't know how but I managed to get through the class without listening to our teacher. All I can think about is her, only Imogen. When the bell rang, Imogen got up so quickly that I never had the chance to stop her from leaving.

_"Whoa, someone is in a hurry."_ Eli said as we both watched her leave the room.

_"More like avoiding me."_ I said with a sigh.

_"What are you planning to do about it?"_ Eli asked me.

_"I don't know."_ I just said. The truth is I know what to do. All I need is to talk to her. But something's bothering me, what am I scared of? That's what I'm trying to figure out.

IMOGEN's pov

I was so stupid just to take off like that without talking to Fiona. I know I can't avoid her forever but I am so afraid to look into her eyes. At school while she asked me why I was avoiding her, all I wanted to do is hug her tight and kiss her. Show her how much I've missed her. Cry like a child in her arms and tell her how much I was hurt. But I am a coward. So afraid of what others might think of me. Especially right now that people are starting to be friendly. All thanks to Fi of course for the frostival.

I suddenly feel tired. I lay down on my bed without changing my clothes. I want to sleep. Forget about Fi a bit. Even though I know that she would also be in my dreams. My eyes were already shut when my computer beeped. It's a message from Eli.

EliG: _Imo are you home?_

I wanted to chat with Eli and tell him everything but I don't know where to start.

EliG: _Yello? Need to talk._

I know he's not gonna stop.

Imo: _Not in the mood_.

EliG: _Are you ok?_

No I am not. I'm hurting so bad. But I don't want to tell him that. He would just ask questions which I'm not in the mood to answer.

Imo: _Never better, why ask?_

EliG:_ Fi told me about the Frostival._

Which I am not surprised. I sigh then I started to type again.

Imo: _Which part?_

I hope not the ferris wheel.

EliG: _kissing at the top of the wheel part._

Imo: _Oh._

EliG: That's it?

Imo: _What do you want me to say?_

EliG: _Explain this- You both kissed then after the holidays you stopped talking._

Imo: _It's complicated Eli._

I really wish you would just drop the subject.

EliG: _You're both my best friend and I want you both to be happy. I know you love each other. What's complicated about that?_

Everything! I know my dad wouldn't allow it. After that night at the carnival I tried to tell him. But when I told him about a gay friend I have, he freaked out and told me to stay away from those kind of folks.

Imo: _I can't be with her. My dad would not approve. It's better if we just pretend it never happened._

EliG: _Then tell her that._

Imo:_ I can't._

EliG: _You owe her an explanation. She's very hurt Imo._

Imo: _So am I._

EliG: _Talk to her and tell her what you've told me._

Imo: _I need time._

I cant talk to Eli anymore. I logged off as soon I sent my last message. I know he will yell at me tomorrow for that but that's the least of my worries right now. Besides the tears made it hard to see the screen. My hands are trembling. I went to my bed and cry in my pillow. Scared that my dad might hear me. If only.

End of chapter 1. It's my first time to write so comments and suggestions would be greatly appreciated. ^_^

Thank you very much for reading..


	2. Dreaming Of You

FIONA's POV

_"Holly J?"_ I said on the phone as soon as I heard a sound.

_"Fi! I'm on my way to my last class. Are you okay?"_ she said with a concerned tone. She knew me too well.

_"I just need someone to talk to."_ I said trying hard not to whimper.

_"Oh Fi, what happened?"_ she asked.

_"I think going back here was a mistake. Imo won't talk or even look at me."_ I said while sobbing. The pain is so intense to hold back the tears.

_"Hush Fi, I wish I can be there with you right now."_ I think she's afraid that I might drink again and no one is here to stop me.

_"Don't worry Holly J, I won't do something stupid."_ I said reassuring her.

_"It's not that Fi, I just hate myself for being away from you." _she said in a soft voice.

I can hear the sadness in her voice. I suddenly feel guilty.

_"Don't feel that way Holly J. Knowing you're my friend is enough for me."_ I told her.

I heard a sigh from the other side of the line.

Then she said_, "Look Fi, Just give me an hour okay then we'll skype. I have to go now. I'll see you later Fi."_ she paused. _"I love you."_ more like a whisper.

_"Ok, later."_ I sigh. _"love you too, bye."_ then I pressed the end button.

I'm so lucky to have Holly J as my friend. In times like this I miss her the most. She knows how to make me feel better. Maybe that's why I fell in love with her before. I can be the true Fiona Coyne with her. I don't have to pretend and lie about my feelings. I can be just me around her. Just be the old dramatic me and she would still be there. How I miss my best friend.

HOLLY J's pov

I can't focus. My professor is talking about something although I tried hard to focus, still I can't. I'm so worried about Fi. She sounds so upset. It's the first day of semester but I want to fly back to Degrassi and be with her. She's been through a lot lately. I tried hard to make her feel better when we were in New York. And I felt that our friendship deepened more because of it. I was so hurt when she had to go back to Degrassi. Although I knew that was her original plan but I hoped that she would change her mind before the semester starts. She always does, before. But now she's different and that hurts. It seemed like someone punched my gut when I saw how exited she was to go back 'home'.

I got up as soon as I heard the bell. Someone is calling my name but I didn't stop. I wanted to go to my room and open my laptop as fast as I can. Fi is my priority right now. When I went inside I was thankful that my roommate is not around. I quickly turn on my computer then launch my skype. Fi is not yet logged in. Maybe she fell asleep. I grab my phone and dial her number. She's not answering and that made me more worried.

_"Fi, its Holly J. I'm waiting here, logged in at skype. I'm getting worried okay, please call me back a.s.a.p., bye."_

I swear million thoughts are running in my mind right now and every second that she's not responding gets me more nervous.

I kept on pacing in front of my desk trying to calm myself. I looked at the clock and it's already past nine. An hour passed. How could she forget to send me a message that she won't be able to skype. If only Fi has a roommate who could answer the phone for her.

I looked at Fi's picture on my study table. It's funny how my roommate thought that she was my girl friend. She said that I am the only one she knew who would put a friend's picture on a study table.

_"You know, I understand if it would be a picture of you together... but a solo? Wow Holly, that's something!"_ Annie, my roommate said grinning.

_"It's a gift from her before I left home. And where else would I put it?"_ I tried to explain.

_"Oh, so the fact that you smile every time you look at her picture doesn't count?" _she said teasing me again.

_"No I don't."_ I said defensively.

_"Holly, I have a lot of gay friends. Believe me you have the same look when they admire someone from afar."_ she gave me a smile and went out of the room before I could respond.

She made me think that night. I almost jumped out of my sit when my phone rang. It's Mrs. Coyne. That's when she asked me to go to Fi and help her pack. I know it was bad news for her family, but deep down it made me happy. Fi would be closer to Yale.

Some noise outside my room brought me back to reality. Once again I dialed her number. I think it is my thirtieth time calling her. And still no answer. I don't want to call the Coyne's and make them worry about Fi. I can't take this anymore. I need to see her. I have to make sure that she's okay. I want to be with her. So I made my decision and I know my parents would kill me for this. I sat down and gaze at the picture frame on my table. Maybe Annie's right.

FiONA's pov

The alarm went off. I reached for the clock and turned it off without opening my eyes. It hurts maybe because I cried so hard last night. I know it's puffy and I would probably wear glasses the whole day. After a few minutes I tried to open my eyes slowly. I need to call Holly J and apologize for last night. I don't want her to see me like this. I don't want her to worry too much. I know she will think that I was asleep.

Thirty missed calls! I'm in serious trouble I know. I dialed Holly J's number but it's unavailable. Maybe she's in her class right now. I'll just send her an email.

Holly J,

I'm sorry about last night if I made you worried. It's just that I was so upset and I don't want you to see me like that. I hope you can forgive me for ditching you last night. Sorry a thousand times.

Love lots,

Fifi

I was about to send it when my door bell rang continuously. Someone is impatient. I put on my robe and instantly went to my door.

_"I'm coming!"_ I shouted because that person kept on buzzing in.

When I opened the door, I am so surprise to see my best friend. She drops her luggage and gave me a tight hug. She started to sob. I'm speechless. What's Holly J doing here? Is this my fault? We've been like that for three minutes when she let go of me. She looked into my eyes and said.

_"I got so worried last night. Don't you ever do that again Fiona Coyne."_ then she shook her head and get her things. Still I don't know what to say. I froze by the door when she went in with her things.

_"Close the door Fi, we need to talk."_ she commanded from my living room.

I regained my composure and do as what she said. I found her sitting on the couch. Not looking at me as if trying to think the right words to say. I sit beside her and hold her trembling hand.

_"I'm so sorry Holly j. I swear I never thought-"_ she put a finger on my lips to stop me from talking.

_"I came here not just because of you. I came back for me. What happened last night made me realize some thing. And I would not forgive myself if I won't do this."_ she said looking straightly through my eyes.

_"What is it Holly J?"_ I asked when she looked away. Something is bothering her. I can feel it. Her hands are cold and she's very nervous about something.

_"I came back here to be with the person I love most." tears_ are falling from her eyes. But still she's not facing me.

_"I don't understand Holly J."_ I said while trying to make her face me. I hold her chin and slightly turned it. Now she's facing me but avoiding my stare.

_"Look at me. You can tell me everything." _

That's what made her cry more. I pull her close and hug her tight. When finally she stopped crying, she pulled away and looked at me. Our faces are inches away from each other. I suddenly felt something inside of me. It's like an old feeling of excitement and longing. The urge of wanting to kiss her screams inside of me then it's already too late to move back. Our lips are already pressed at each other. I'm not sure if I kissed her or it's the other way around. All I know now is that the kiss is getting serious this time. Her hand started to hang around my neck, pressing our lips more. Surprisingly when she guided me to lie down on the couch, I did. I didn't stop her when she started to remove my robe. When she touched my chest I gasp for air. She whispered in my ear which brought me back to my senses. I pushed her gently on both her shoulders. We're both gasping for air.

_"I'm sorry," _I said softly. _"I don't know what has gotten into me."_

She touched my cheek then look into my eyes.

_"I'm sorry. I can't control myself anymore. I'm in love with you Fi."_ She said.

_"But Holly j, I thought you were straight? You've told me that yourself."_ I removed her hand from my face then I stood up. I'm really confused right now. She stood right in front of me and held my hand.

_"Fi, I've been in love with you even before. It's just I didn't know. When I was in Yale, my roommate made me realize that I feel different about you." _She let go of my hand and started pacing in front of me. Then she continued...

"_I guess I repressed those feelings when I came here and found out you're in love with Imogen. I was so hurt Fi and I thought that was because you found a new best friend but I was wrong. I made myself believe that we we're just friends when clearly I'm in love with you." _she stopped looking at me.

I'm astonished. I never would have guessed it. My best friend is in love with me? I thought she was straight.

_"I don't know what to say Holly J."_ I said still shocked on her great revelations.

_"Say you'll give us a try? I came here to be with you."_ she grabbed both of my hands and kissed them.

Am I still dreaming? Is Holly J really here in front of me and confessing her love? Half of me wishes I'm just dreaming but the other half is happy that it's happening. I can't afford to think of Holly J this way. She's all I've got.

I closed my eyes and hoped when I open them, maybe I'll find out that I am just dreaming. That I'm alone in my bed, like always.

To be continued…Thank you very much for reading,,:) Please don't be shy to review.. positive and negative comments will be greatly appreciated.. ^_^


	3. Gravity

**FIONA's pov**

I opened my eyes and I see a beautiful woman in front of me. The same woman I fell in love with before. Who loved me when I was so fragile. Who hold my hand and tell me that everything will be fine. She understands me just the way I'm supposed to be. From a foe to being my best friend. If I loved her so much before, it would be easy to love her again. Besides, I deserve to be happy and if Imogen doesn't want to be with me anymore, so be it. All I know is I have someone here who truly loves me. And I plan to do the same.

I reached out for Holly J's hand then looked into her eyes.

_"Are you sure about this Holly j?"_ I asked her.

_"Yes, Fi. All I have to do is tell my parents about us. I know they would understand."_ she said with a smile. _"I love you Fi. And I mean it."_

_"I.. I loved you Holly J but I can't say that I'm not in love with Imogen right now."_ I hesitated but I know she'll ask me about it sooner or later. Besides, I can't hide secrets from her.

_"I know. But I'll do everything for you to forget her and for you to love me just like before."_

I can't help to smile to remember the competitive side of Holly J. She smiled back. We both know we're thinking the same thing. Then we kissed again.

This time, it's sweeter than before. It's gentle. We almost jumped up when my phone rang. Holly j took it since she was closer by the phone. I went to the kitchen to get water. I suddenly feel thirsty.

**IMOGEN's pov**

_"Coyne's residence, Hello?"_ We heard from Eli's phone. It's on loud speaker. We got worried when Fiona missed our first class. He knows I'm worried too. So we've decided to call her.

It's definitely not Fiona who answered the phone but her voice is familiar. Curiosity took over me.

_"Holly J?"_ I asked, very surprised to hear her voice. I didn't know she went back with Fi. Anyway how would I know if we're not talking. Stupid of me.

_"Yes, who's this?"_ She sounded confused too.

I panicked. Looked at Eli. He got the message and talked to her instead.

_"It's Eli. I'm just worried about Fi. She missed our first class, not that it's new."_ he said smiling.

We heard Holly J giggled.

_"She's fine Eli, maybe she'll go to school later. It's my fault she was absent. I'll put you on hold for a minute okay, I'll just ask her."_ her voice is different. It's as if something happened between them that should be shy about. Even though I know what I'm thinking is impossible, still I felt hurt.

But what we heard from the back ground confirmed my suspicion. Holly J must have thought she pressed the hold button but she hadn't. We can clearly hear how they talked to each other. I almost died right that moment.

…_."Babe, it's Eli, asking why you skipped school."_ Holly J shouted.

…_."Oh shit, I completely forgot."_ We heard Fiona replied. _"Tell him I'll be there in an hour. I'll just get ready and babe breakfast in the microwave."_

…."_Got it babe."_ then she went back to us. _"Hey Eli, yah, she'll be there in an hour. She's getting ready right now." _

"Okay. Thanks. Bye." he said looking at me. He hold my shoulder trying to comfort me.

Tears are rushing on my cheeks. This is what I want, right? Fiona to be happy with another woman. But still It hurts like hell. I can't breath. The chest is beginning to feel heavy. I looked at Eli and then blacked out.

_"Imogen!"_ I heard Eli shouted my name then completely silence.

**FIONA's pov**

I looked for Eli and Imogen around the room but they are not here. Am I on another class? But the information on my schedule card says that I'm on the right one. The class ended and still no Eli or Imogen.

_"Mirasol."_ Not the person I wanted to talk to right now but I have no choice. She's all I know that has the same schedule as ours.

_"My Oh my, it's an honor to talk to you Ms. Fiona Coyne?"_ she said smirking.

I calm my self and asked her nicely. _"Have you seen Eli?" _

_"Didn't you know?"_ she asked. If I knew I wouldn't ask you stupid, I thought. _"Eli rushed you're side kick to the clinic."_

Now I'm speechless. I found my self running to the school clinic. I don't care if we're not talking. All I know is knowing something happened to her made me feel something. A feeling like I'm running out of air.

When I looked through the clinic's door glass, I saw Eli and Imogen talking. He's holding her hands looking straightly into her eyes. And then they kiss. I froze. I looked away for I cannot bare to see Imogen kissing another person.

Tears are now falling from my cheeks. I need to get out of here.

**HOLLY J's pov**

I am standing on my parent's door step. Very nervous on what I'm about to tell them. I'm hoping it will went well like what happened a while ago with Fi. Oh, Fiona. I remember her soft lips. I wanted to get through with this as soon as I can and go back in her loft. I missed her already. Before I open the door, again I breath in and out.

_"Mom...dad?"_ I said after I turn the knob. _"Is anybody home?"_

I saw my mom came out from the kitchen door very surprised. After a few seconds realizing that it's really me she's seeing she came to me and hugged me.

_"Oh, my dear Holly. What are you doing here? Don't you have a class?"_ She asked while she gave me a huge hug.

_"I.. Is dad home? I need to tell you guys something."_ I said nervously. Trying to avoid her eyes. I looked around pretending to search for my dad. I know she suspects something is wrong.

_"Your dad is at the back. Wait a minute young lady."_ she grabbed my shoulders and forced me to face her.

_"Mom, your hurting me."_ I said even though she's not. I just can't stand to look at her eyes right now. Then I headed to our kitchen door.

_"Are you pregnant?"_ she asked and I almost trip on the floor. I faced her with a nervous smile because after I tell her about Fi and me, maybe she'll wish I am just pregnant.

_"No mom."_ I went back to her side and put my arm around her shoulders. _"Come sit on the couch and I'll call dad okay?"_

After I let her sit on our couch, I went outside to call dad. He is doing some gardening. I ran to him and hugged him from behind. He was so happy and surprised to see me home.

_"Holly J, what a surprise!"_ he faced me and hugged me tight. _"My princess is back."_ then he gave me a kiss on my forehead.

I missed that. When I found out I was adopted the thing that hurt me the most is the fact that he is not my dad. We we're so close that it made the truth even harder to bear. But still for me, he is the best dad in the world.

_"I missed you too dad. Come, there's something I need to tell you and mom."_ then we went inside the house.

They are now seated on the couch while I was pacing in front of them. I don't know how or where to start.

_"Sweetheart, why are you nervous?_ _Just tell us, the suspense is killing me."_ my dad said. I stopped then looked at them.

_"Promise me you would let me finish before you say or do anything?"_

It's harder than I thought it would be.

My parents nod. I exhaled then finally when I had the courage to speak I look into their eyes.

_"I have two things to tell you. First is that, I dropped out of Yale."_ I looked away when I saw my mom's shocked face. He grasped dad's hand but as promised they wait for my explanation.

_"I love Yale but the thing is I miss home so much. I sent a mail yesterday to Toronto University and I've got a reply. Although I'm a semester late, they would still accept me."_ I stopped talking to look at their reaction. My mom gaze at dad worriedly. Dad tap her hands and then he spoke calmly.

_"Look sweetheart, we trust you. I know you wouldn't do this if you haven't thought about this. We are confident on how you make your decisions, just promise us that you will do good in your class."_ after he said that I almost cry. My dad's the best.

_"M..mom?"_ I asked her nervously.

She exhales._ "We love you Holly J and we will support your decision."_ she said managing to smile.

First issue, check! That went well, I thought. I need more courage for the next one. I stepped a little backward, afraid that my dad might hit me, which I know he wouldn't. Would he? Oh gosh, that thought made me shiver.

I suddenly looked at the front door, wish I left it open if ever I have to run away from them. I sigh. Here goes nothing.

_"The second thing is, I d..don't want to date anymore."_ I looked at their confused faces.

_"Because. . I'm in love with .. someone right now. "_ I looked down. So scared to look into their eyes.

_"And, why does it sounds like it was a bad thing?"_ my mom asked curiously.

_"Well, the thing is, it's different and special. I've been in love with that person a long time ago. I'm just so dumb to not know it. Since high school I knew what I felt about that person was different. And I would die without that person."_ I said nervously.

_"Why do you keep addressing him as that person, doesn't he have a name?"_ my dad said as an attempt to joke.

_"The truth is, you know that person too well."_ Here I go again, why can't I just tell her name to get it over with.

_"S.. She's my best friend, Fiona Coyne."_ there, I said it. Now all I have to do is be ready to run.

My mom reacted first._ "Holly J!"_ she exclaimed then started to cry. My dad just glanced at me then rub my mom's back trying to comfort her.

_"Sorry dad, mom.. I.. I love her and I- "_ my dad's firm voice interrupted me. Not too loud but it scared me to death.

_"Holly J, you've said enough."_ He raised his hands to stop me.

I saw the disappointment in their eyes, especially on my dad. My mom is crying so loud and uttering words which I chose not to comprehend. I started to cry too. Braced my self on what ever they will decide to do to me.

_"I think it would be best if you'll just leave."_ when I heard him said that, it made me wish that he just slapped me. Is it really that bad that they wouldn't want to even look at me?

_"S..sorry."_ I mange to say between sobs.

I'm still Holly j, their daughter! I couldn't stand my mom's howling anymore so I grabbed my bag and left the room.

There's only one person who could make this pain go away. Fiona.

**End of chapter 3. I hoped you like it. Tell me if I should update. ^_^**


	4. Just A Friend

_**Sorry for the late update. I was having doubts if I should go on with Folly J or Fimogen. Enjoy reading. And please leave a comment. :P**_

**IMOGEN's pov**

Eli insisted to walk me home. I told him that it won't be necessary but he insisted. We were quiet along the way. No one wants to say something about the kiss. What was he thinking kissing me? Maybe he forgot to take his meds? I looked at him. Hands on his pockets and head slightly bowed down. I stopped walking.

_"So I assume, you don't want to talk about it."_ I said.

He stop then faced me.

_"Do you want to talk about it?"_ he said smiling

_"Well you can't just kiss me anytime you want, Eli."_ I said with a smile while shaking my head.

_"I know and I'm sorry. It's just you won't stop talking about how Fi and Holly J would be perfect together."_ his expression is serious now. _"I had to stop you. You were hurting yourself back there Imo."_

I sigh. He's right. It hurts so much.

He moved closer to me. He held my hand. _"Imo, I'm your friend. You don't have to pretend in front of me. You can tell me anything. Even your biggest darkest secret if you like."_ said with a grin.

I know he was just trying to make me smile and I appreciate his concern.

_"In your dreams, mister!"_ I said smiling.

_"Sorry about the kiss Imo."_ he said.

_"Yah, but next time you can just tell me to shut up."_ I replied with a huge smile. Then I started to walk ahead of him. I heard him laugh then a moment later he's now walking beside me.

Eli and I are great as friends. And I intend to keep it that way. Without Eli, I don't think I could make it until graduation. Especially now that Fi and I are not talking.

The thought of Fi brought pain into my chest. But I keep reminding myself that it's for the best. I love her but I also love my dad. He's all I've got.

Then Eli stopped walking.

**FIONA's pov**

For the first time in months I feel the strong urge to drink. The pain is too much. At least with the help of an alcohol, it would ease the pain even for a bit. But Holly J is home so I can't drink. She's probably waiting for me and very worried.

It's already six and I'm an hour late. I had to stay here at the park to calm myself but then after a few minutes I saw a couple walking going my direction.

They stopped for a minute to talk. When he reached out for her hand then they started to walk again. I felt like a thousand rocks were thrown at me. More tears fell down on my cheeks. I wanted to get up and leave but it's too late.

After a few seconds Eli saw me. Imo looked at him wondering why he stopped. When she saw me too, she froze. I dried my cheeks then stood up. I was about to leave when Eli stopped me by the arm.

_"Fiona."_ he said. _"Stay, the three of us needs to talk."_

_"There's nothing to talk about Eli. And let go of my arm."_ I said irritated and hurt.

_"Let her go Eli."_ Imogen pleaded. I looked at her.

_"Listen to your girlfriend."_ I said bitterly.

Eli looked at me confused then he let go of my arm.

_"Whoa, she's not my girlfriend Fi."_ he looks confused. Same as Imogen.

_"I saw you two at the clinic."_ I said without looking at her.

Eli laughed. Imogen lowered her head. I got more confused. Eli shook his head while laughing.

_"Wel, wel, well, look who's jealous."_ he said teasing me.

_"I am not!"_ I replied instantly.

"_You two need to talk."_ he made me and Imogen sit on the bench nearby. _"I'll call your dad Imo and tell him you'll be late and same for Holly J."_

We're both going to object but Eli became serious.

_"I'm getting sick of the two of you not talking. We can't spend this sem like this. So please, talk to each other. Talk!"_

He said almost shouting at both of us. We were quiet the whole time even when he turned around and leave.

We both knew well not to mess with him. Being bipolar really gives him advantages. Imogen lowered her head again while I watched Eli leave.

After a few minutes of silence, I finally got the courage to talk to Imo.

_"Why did you stop answering my calls?"_ I asked looking at her eyes.

She raised her head and looked back at me.

_"I was afraid of us. I'm not you Fi. I can't tell my dad about us, I mean, I tried but homosexuality is a big no for him."_ then tears keep rushing on her cheeks.

I want to comfort her on that instant but I didn't. Then she continued explaining.

_"I thought that if I don't answer your calls you would eventually find someone else."_ her face hardened. _"Which I know you did." _she said accusing me.

_"Wait a minute. I came back here very excited to pick up where we left off."_ I said defending myself. I know she's talking about Holly j. Eli must've told her this morning when he called.

I cupped her face using both of my hands and looked in her eyes.

_"I love you Imo and I would never cheat on you."_ when she look away I held her chin gently towards me.

_"Holly j followed me from Yale. I was so depressed about what happened to us the first day so I called her. She arrived this morning and told me her feelings for me."_ she sigh.

I know it's hard for her to believe. She knew that Holly J is straight. Even I thought that way.

_"Believe me Imo. I only entertained HJ's feelings because I thought we could never be together."_ She looked at me.

_"I'm crazy about you Fi. In fact, I don't think I could ever love someone else like I love you now."_ she held my hand tight.

_"Then what's the problem? We're madly in love, I don't see why we have to be this way."_ I said as if I'm begging her to fight for us.

Imogen let go of my hand and stood up. I can see how she tries to calm herself.

_"Fi, the world is not just about us. There are people that will get hurt if we continue this."_ she looked straight to my eyes while she was saying those words.

_"So it's better us than them?"_ I said angrily. How can she be so selfless, for her dad, and selfish, for me.

_"Fi, we still have each other, as friends, like me and Eli." _

_"Ha, yah right. You and Eli?"_ I said sarcastically. We both know we could never be 'just' friends.

_"We're just friends Fi. Please, promise me we'll try?"_ she said begging me.

_"Is this what you want?"_ I asked her hoping she would change her mind. _"If you chose for us to be just friends, there is no going back. Are you sure about this?"_ Please say no.

_"Yes. It's better that way."_ she said softly. Then she extended a hand to me, _"Friends?"_ she hesitated.

I looked into her eyes. I can't help myself to show her how much I disagree with her decision. My tears kept on falling.

I need to do something before I agree with her. I grab her hand then pulled her close to me. I put one of my hands behind her back and the other on the back of her neck then gave her a very cruel kiss. When she kissed back I decided to be gentle until both of us lose ourselves. We were breathless when it ended.

Before she could say anything, I walked away. That would be the last time that our lips will touch because from now on, Imogen Moreno is just a friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

_**I'm currently rewriting the final chapter. If you have suggestions or comments, just tell me, okay..? :P**_

_**Negative or Positive, it's okay with me. I'll be waiting for your reviews if I should still post the final chapter. Thanks. **_


	5. You're Mine To Love

**HOLLY J's pov**

It's already past six and Fiona is still not home. I kept calling her cell but she's not picking up. I'm really worried and she doesn't even bother to call back. How could she do this to me again?

I went to the kitchen to get water when the phone rang. Finally she called! I thought as I walk fast to get the phone.

"Fi, where are-"I said at once but I was surprised when I heard a male voice.

"Hello, Holly J? It's me Eli." he said

"Eli? Fi's not home." I replied.

"I know, I saw her at the park a while ago. She won't be home for dinner. She needs to talk to someone." he explained.

Eli doesn't have to tell me who's that someone. I already knew its Imogen.

_"Couldn't she manage to give me a call?" _he knew I was hurt. My voice is evident on how I felt.

_"It was my idea actually. Sorry Holly J." he apologized._

I sighed_. "Okay Eli, thank you for informing me."_

_"Bye_." then I heard the click sound.

I'm so disappointed and hurt right now. Just the thought of Fi and Imogen being together made me feel so anxious. What if they decided to get back together? What will I do? I can't manage to live my life without Fi. She's all I've got.

I reached for my phone and dialed Fi's number. And it's still unavailable. I rest my back on the couch and close my eyes. This had been a very stressful day for me.

**FIONA's pov**

Seeing Holly J asleep on the couch made me feel guilty. She looks so tired and hurt. Even though her eyes were closed, It's obvious that she cried. Poor Holly J, she doesn't deserve to be treated this way, especially not from me. Of all people, I should be the one who's protecting and making her happy. After all that she had done for me, how could I treat her like this?

I wanted to touch her lovely face but I was scared I would wake her up. I want her to sleep. It's the least that I can do right now for her.

I sighed then went to my room to get a blanket. When I came back she was already awake. She's sitting there quietly, looking at me. I offered her the blanket but she stood up and hugged me tight. I can hear her soft sobs and I can feel the movement of her shoulders.

I feel guilty in that instant. She didn't say a word but I know how much hurt she was. Then I remembered she told me she'll tell her parents about us today. How could I forget that? All day I was thinking about Imogen and there she was fighting the battle with her parents alone. I want to make it up to her. I need to make it up to her.

_"I'm sorry."_ that's all I could manage to say.

She raised up her head to me and looked into my eyes. I kissed her cheeks then her lips. She kissed me back gently.

We immediately stopped when the phone rang. I let her go to get the phone.

_"Hello?"_ I said. Holly j is now sitting on the couch wiping the tears.

_"Fifi, its me Decs."_ the person on the other line said.

_"Hi, Decs, Is everything okay?"_ I asked curiously. Decs doesn't call me for nothing. He's too busy just to chat.

_"I want to talk to Holly j, is she there?" _always straight to the point, that's my brother.

_"Just a sec." _I covered the mouth piece. _"Babe, Decs wants to talk to you." _I said offering her to take the phone.

She hesitated at first but eventually gets up and took it.

_"Thanks."_ then she kissed me on the cheek.

I just nod then went straight to my room. I want to give them privacy. Decs maybe found out HJ dropped out on their university. He's still looking out for her. Obviously, he still have feelings for her.

I let myself fell on my bed and stare on the ceiling. Decs will surely freak out.

**HOLLY J's pov**

_"Decs?" _I'm not in the mood to talk to him. My mind is full of thoughts about Fi. When she went inside the room I wanted to go after her. I want to sleep beside her and feel her warmth. Forget the heartaches this day had brought to us.

_"What were you thinking?" _he said in a very hard tone.

_"I had to go back home Decs. Yale is not for me."_ I explained to him.

_"Is there anything wrong? I called at your house and your mom was pretty upset."_

_"Nothing's wrong, everything's okay. Tomorrow I'll go to Toronto U to arrange my transfer then its back to normal."_ I told him while trying to hide the irritation on my voice.

_"Why so sudden?" _Í heard him sigh.

He is too smart to just let it slide. He won't stop until he knows the reason why I went back here. But I'm not yet ready to tell him about me and Fi.

_"I'm in love Decs and leaving that person behind at Degrassi pains me. Long distance relationship just won't work for us so I had to move back home. That's all you have to know."_ I said wishing he would stop asking. I don't want to lie to him.

_"Are you sure he's worth all the sacrifices you've made?" _he asked.

_"Yes, very." _I said firmly. _"Everything made sense since I loved that person. Please, just be happy for me, for us." _I begged him. Even though our relationship before didn't worked out, we made a promise to look out for each other until the right one comes along.

_"Well, I wish your happiness HJ. You know where to find me when you need me." _he said sweetly.

_"Ditto. Bye, Decs." _

_"Bye, Holly J. Kiss Fifi goodnight for me." _

_"I will." _ then I pressed the end button.

I placed the phone on its stand and went straight to Fi's room. She's already asleep. I removed my robe and laid down facing her. For a moment I could not believe she's here with me. Back at Yale, I always dreamt about her. Her soft skin and her beautiful face. One night I even dreamt that she and I are making out. I smiled on that thought. Who could have thought that the Fiona Coyne, which every guy fantasizes is now my girlfriend. Again, that thought made me smile. Fiona is my girlfriend. She's mine. My very own pearl.


	6. She's Mine

**I decide to change the story ending and added a few more chapters. I hope you'll like it. **

**IMOGEN's pov**

Today is another day. A brand new day for me to start fresh. Forgetting Fi is hard but eventually I will forget her. I just have to focus at school and gain more friends. Speaking of, I better get ready or I will be late.

I look at the mirror and saw my eyes are puffy.

_"Great!" _I sigh after seeing the fruit of crying the whole night.

I went inside the bathroom to take a bath. Then after that, I chose my attire for today. As usual I wanted to be different. It feels great to shove our uniforms. Fashion now is limitless.

_"Imo, breakfast is ready," _ my dad called out.

_"Be there in a sec!" _I answered back then grabbed my things and went down the stairs.

My dad cooked omelet and toasted bread. But if you'll ask me, it's like a toasted bread and a fried egg. Both are over cooked. I just stared on my plate with the food but not in the mood to eat it. Dad saw my reaction.

_"Sorry, I forgot I was cooking. Volta went at the back, I had to follow her." _he explained.

_"It's okay dad, we still have cereals right?" _I asked while looking at the fridge for some milk.

Dad got up and gets the box of cereals then handed them to me.

_"Thanks." _I smiled at him. After finishing my food, I said goodbye to him.

That's our typical morning. Dad ruin's our food in different ways. I just smiled on the thought but at the same time worried about him. He tend to forget a lot lately. But when I ask him if he's okay, he'll just say he was thinking about something else.

He worries me a lot that's why I can't afford to let my relationship with Fi trouble him. It's for the best.

**FIONA's pov**

Holly J is telling me how excited she was to go to TU. But my mind is not comprehending what she says. I was intrigue how other students stare at the sight of me and HJ holding hands. She had to go back to my school to get some school papers for her transfer to TU. I know a lot of students still remember her. She was this schools queen back at our senior year. I didn't even notice that she stopped talking. She got my attention by tightening her hold on me.

_"They can stare all they want and I wouldn't care a bit." _she said while looking around us.

_"The whole school knows you HJ. Are you sure about this?" _I asked her.

_"So what? All I care about is you and me." _she gave me a sweet smile and a quick kiss on a cheek.

_"You and me, against all odds?" _ we both laughed.

When we finally reached the hallway, I saw Eli by his locker. I waved at him when he saw us coming. I can see his disappointed look when he saw us holding hands. He closed his locker then he walk towards us.

_" Hi Holly J. Nice to see you again." _he said smiling at her. _"I'll go inside, bye. Holly J." _he waved at her.

"_I can feel h doesn't like me." _she looks at Eli who's now grabbing a sit.

"_He will once he get to know you better." _I said while touching her face.

"I need to get inside. See you later." I kissed her on the cheeks then turned away from her. But she grabbed my hand and planted a sweet kiss on my lips. Students who saw us started to make some noise and cheer.

"Now you may go, I love you." she said softly with a great smile of her face.

"Love you too." I said back but I felt something different inside. I know I love her but why do I feel guilty every time I say that to HJ? I just shrug the thought and gave her a smile before I went inside the room.

**IMOGEN's pov**

I couldn't believe what I just saw. Fiona and Holly J kissed! I froze when I saw it. Students started to bump me but I can't move. And now, Holly J is walking towards me. I can see that she was surprised to see me.

Suddenly I closed my eyes and wish she wouldn't stop walking. But I was startled to see her in front of me.

Her expression is blank. Very different to the one I saw before the frostival.

What should I say to her? _Hi thank you for stealing Fi from me? _But she didn't. In fact, I let her have Fi.

_"You're Imogen, right?" she asked._

_" . I'm going to be late for class. Sorry. I have to go." _I tried to walk away from her but she blocked my way.

"I just want you to know that I'll take care of her. I don't know what happened between the two of you. But this is what I know, I will love her more than you ever loved her." she said in a firm voice stressing the past tense loved.

When she said that, I felt as if I was slapped on the face. I wanted to tell her that she's wrong. She could never love her the way I love her. How I still love her.

"Fi and I, we decided to be just friends." I said feeling defeated.

"Good." then she walks away.

I'm two minutes late so I don't have any choice but to sit on a vacant chair beside Fi. I wanted to be beside her but the pain kills me, knowing I can't touch her. And this seating arrangement doesn't help. Our chairs are too close to each other.

I sit quietly and try to listen to our teacher. In the corner of my eyes can see Fi. How beautiful she is. When the kid beside me asked to be excused, he slightly bumps me resulting our, Fi's and I, arms to touch. I growled at him to hide the redness of my cheeks. Fi just looked at us and smile.

I swear my heart melt. Sadness took over me when she again focused on our teacher. I stare away from her and try to listen to our lesson. As always, she's all I can think about.

**How was the story? Tell me what you think. I'll wait. Thanks in advance. ^_^**


	7. New Beginning

**Sorry if it took long before I upload the next chapter. Enjoy reading. ^_^**

Months had passed and the end of the school year is just a week away. Fiona and Imogen managed to be friends but not as close as before. She started to hang out with Kylie and Anna . They are not popular but they look decent compared to what Imo wears. Imogen made them signed up at the photography club. Since then, they're inseparable.

Imogen never dated anyone. Although there was a grade ten kid who tried to ask her out but she turned him down. She told him that she doesn't like younger boys.

Fiona on the other hand is happy with Holly J. At first it was difficult because of Fiona's working schedule at the Dot and Holly J's adjusting period at TU but they both managed the relationship to work. Although lately, Fiona can sense there's something wrong. They're okay but somehow something is still missing. Not to mention that Holly J is acting weird lately. Sometimes it feels like she's the only one who's willing to make their relationship work. That made Fiona always excited to go to school. Inspired to work as the school's president. At first she declined the offer but when she heard the good news that her mom was acquitted, she accepted the offer and quit her job at The Dot. Being in the student council helped keep her mind off of things or should we say someone?

Fiona is waiting for Eli at the caf. It's their lunch and he promised her that they will spend time to catch up with each other.

Eli is very busy in his tasks at the drama club. He wanted to graduate at Degrassi with a bang as a director. He mentioned before about a long haired blond freshman who gets into his nerve. She's the reason why he's working so hard and no time for fun at all. He's threatened by her and major trigger for a bipolar. The thought made Fiona smile. She looked around the caf and saw Imogen with her new friends looking for a vacant table. Imo is laughing while she's talking to them. Fiona suddenly feel sad. She misses her, a lot.

**FIONA's pov**

Beautiful as always. I thought as I looked at Imogen.

_"Then ask her out."_ Eli said while laughing.

I didn't know he was there already and I'm not aware that I actually said it out loud. I faced him and gave him a sharp look.

_"Girlfriend, Holly J, sounds familiar_?" I smirked at him trying to hide my blush.

Eli just laughed at my comment. He knows I still like Imo.

_"Oh yah, the platonic girlfriend."_ he said irritated.

_"Eli! Don't talk to her like that_." I'm starting to be irritated.

_"Face it Fi, you don't make out anymore, you never told me if you guys had sex and she would rather spend her time at TU during weekends. That's not a girlfriend_." he explained.

_"She's still my girlfriend."_ I reminded him.

_"So if there's no Holly J you'll ask her out again?."_ he said joking.

_"And be dumped twice? No way." _

_"There's a saying, love is sweeter the second time around."_ he's tease.

I shook my head_."Rejection is deadly the second time."_ I told him then looked at Imo. _"I don't think I can still take it if she rejects me again."_

Imo suddenly looked my way. She just gave a slight smile at us. I looked away and faced Eli instead.

_"What if the reason she had before doesn't exist anymore?" _he asked seriously.

_"It's too late. She's right, we can't just think of our happiness. Holly J will be devastated if I'll break up with her."_ I'm trying hard to contain the tears that are threatening to fall down.

Eli sigh.

_"Let's focus on the happy things. How's the fitting for our graduation dress?"_ he asked trying to change the mood.

He's right. I was short of history credits before I manage to find a way how to graduate this year. I looked at the senior's record that lacks on history credits and I found out that 25 seniors, including myself, will not graduate just because of it. So what I did is, I proposed to Simpson a weekend class for history. I managed to let the other 24 students commit to it and never miss a class. Simpson hesitated at first but when I told him that it's on my own expense, he eventually agreed.

I smiled at him. _"It was okay. I didn't like the cut though."_

He laughed at my reply. _"Too bad you can't design it yourself."_

I smiled back at him.

_"So how was drama club_?" I smiled on how Eli changed his emotions so fast. I just pretended I didn't see it.

Eli started to talk when I saw Imo going on our table. Eli stopped talking and smiled at Imo.

"_What a pleasant surprise you still know us_." Eli said joking.

_"You know you're always in my heart."_ She leans towards him to give him a quick peck on his cheeks.

Eli laughed on what she did_. "How about the same greetings for our friend here." _he's teasing her.

Imo became uncomfortable but cute. I kicked Eli under the table that caused him to yell ouch.

She laughed. She knows what I did to him. Hearing her laugh made me smile. Oh, how I miss her so much.

She stopped laughing when our eyes met. For a minute we forgot where we are, like nothing around us matters.

_"Don't you dare make out in front of me."_ Eli interrupts.

_"Eli!"_ we both said at the same time.

I swear I could give him another kick if he won't stop teasing us.

Then her new friends called Imo.

_"Got to go, see you around."_ she said still looking at me.

I just nod at her. Still mesmerized by her beauty.

I was taken aback when she gave me a kiss on the cheek. Then she ran away like a little child.

I froze. I can hear Eli's laughter but I didn't mind him. Even if it's very quick, I can still feel her warm, moist lips. I swear a million butterflies rumbles in my belly. I touch my cheek and looked at the back of Imogen who's now walking out of the caf.

_"I told you, you should definitely ask her out again."_ he said while tapping my shoulder.

**IMOGEN's pov**

I didn't know why I did that. For months I was able to stop myself from kissing her because I'm scared Fi might not like it. And what happened a while ago proves that I still love her. It's not like I doubted my feelings for her but sometimes I let myself believe that I don't.

She's gorgeous and I can't take it any longer. So I decided to go to their table, hoping my feelings will calm down when I go near her. I was wrong, it became bewildered. My heartbeats doubled, so I kissed her. Maybe she won't think it's a big deal. It's just a kiss on her cheek. The thought made me turn red. My friends saw it and teased me. They knew how I feel for Fi. And they accept me for who I am. That's why I hang out with them, like Fi and Eli, I could be myself around them. Most of the time after school they would tease me about Fi.

_"Red alert."_ Anna said telling about me blushing.

_"Oh shut up_!" I said irritated.

They both laugh more.

"_Did you see Fiona's reaction when you kissed her?"_ Kylie whispered. "_She went on red alert!" _she said excitedly.

I looked at both of them.

_"She's still into you Ims and I guess it the time for you to talk about her with your dad."_ Anna said carefully.

I sigh. They've convinced me to 'come out' to my dad with a promise that they will support me no matter what. I gave them an excuse that there's no sense of doing it since Fi is with Holly J. But last week when we we're at the supermarket buying foods for our sleep over, we saw Holly J kissing a brunette. It's definitely not Fiona. So I assume that they are not together anymore because HJ loved Fiona so much to cheat on her.

_"So?"_ Kylie asked. _"Is it tonight?"_

I just nod at them and they scream that made the other students to look at us.

_"What? You can scream too if you like." _Anna told the girl who told us to be quiet.

_"Guys, this is a free country so mind your own business!"_ Kylie said too.

I just smiled at them. It's no denying that these creatures are my friends.

_"My place after class, we'll rehearse okay?"_ Anna said very excited.

I finally realized what I'm about to do. It's time to face my greatest fear, hurting my dad. I wish everything will turn out right.


	8. Default Love

**Second to the last chapter so I figured its time for me to introduce the character I made up. This new character is inspired by someone who is very special to me. I hope this will surprise her. ^_^**

**HOLLY J's pov**

I am listening to my professor when my phone beeped. It's from Fi asking if I would be home for dinner. I want to answer her text but my eyes were caught by the beautiful woman in front of me. I looked at her perfect curly hair and from where I am sitting I can smell the aroma of her perfume. The woman that always makes me feel better when everything seems to be turning upside down. Her name is Ruth.

She and I first met at the library while I'm trying to do a research. She sat down beside me and offered help. Then after few days we would hang out after class and even go out during weekends. I feel guilty everytime I lie to Fi about doing some project during weekends but I just can't say no to Ruth. Things got even serious when she found out I have a girlfriend. She ignored me for weeks and I was devastated. Then I would take it out on Fi thus resulting to fights.

After two months of ignoring me, I decided to talk to Ruth. To say sorry for lying to her and hoping we could still be friends. But she saw me standing on her dorm room, crying, she grabbed my hand and took me inside the room. She kissed me and I kissed back. At that moment I knew I am in love with her. A very strong feeling that I never felt before. Stronger than what I feel for Fi.

We made love that night. She begged me to break up with Fi but I told her that I can't, at least while she's in high school. Fi is doing great at school and ruining her new start is a big no for me. I would never forgive myself. So I told Ruth that after Fi's gradation I will break up with her. I'm Fi's default love and she's mine. Imogen was her true love as Ruth to mine.

And now, it's only a week away before she graduates. I'm excited to be with Ruth but the thought of leaving Fi surprisingly scares me.

I started to make a list of pros and cons of leaving Fi.

Cons:

-Hurt Fi

-Might lose my bestfriend.

-Kill me for cheating on her.

Pros:

-Be with the woman I love.

-Spend more time with Ruth.

-She can get back with Imogen.

The last entry made me think. I looked again on Imogen's name. At that moment, I knew what I have to do.

**IMOGEN's pov**

_"I don't think this is a good idea."_ I said as I turned around.

I've never been afraid to go inside our house before. Okay, there was this instance back when I was five when I played on the mud and even ate some. Which I regret because it takes like, well, uhm, mud?

I got dirty and was so terrified to go home. My playmate's mom had to carry me just to get me to our doorstep. I thought dad would scold me for eating mud. But when he opened the door, he smiled at me and carried me. He didn't ask me anything, he just bathe me and tuck me to bed. He told me he loves me. I made a promise to myself that night that I would never hurt my dad's feelings. Never.

I know it's a puny reason compared to now, but at that time, my feelings were intense like what I'm feeling right now.

Anna made me faced the door while Kylie pushed me towards the door.

_"Door bell please?"_ Kylie said.

_"It's her house, silly."_ Anna replied laughing.

I find it funny too but I can't even smile. My nerves are at it's maximum level. My hands are sweaty and trembling.

_"I can't do it guys."_ I said as I attempt to turn around but Kylie blocked me.

_"Ims, it's now or never. Think about Fi."_ Anna said.

She's been using Fi's name the whole time we're rehearsing at her house. And it works everytime. Thinking that I can be with Fi after this, it excites me therefore decreasing my anxiety.

I sigh then looked at my friends.

I'm about to touch the doorknob when it moved. My dad is holding Volta's strap. Looks like it's V's time for walk.

We all screamed at the same time while my dad was shocked on our reaction.

_"Did I scare you girls?"_ He asked smiling.

_"A bit , uhm but we're here just to make sure Imo talks to you."_ Anna said nervously.

My dad got confused. Still I'm speechless.

Kylie pushed me a bit to talk.

_"Why don't you let us walk V, Mr. Moreno? Imo needs to tell you something."_ Kylie said without waiting for an approval from my dad. She snatched V's strap on my dad's hand then grabbed Anna on her left hand.

I can see how surprised and intrigue my dad is right now. He looked at me waiting for an explanation.

I just looked back, a blank stare.

_"Why don't we have a snack inside? There's hot chocolate."_ he said while guiding me inside.

We were sitting on the table. My dad's cup is already half empty but mine is still full. He looks at me wondering why I act this way.

I calmed myself. I Inhaled then looked at him.

_"Dad, you always ask me why I don't have boyfriend at school. And maybe you're wondering why things never worked out with Eli and me."_ I paused._ "Well, I know now why."_

His eyebrows form an arc. But still he's silent.

_"That's because I never really liked boys. I can be friends with them but being romantically involved with them is just too much!"_ after I said that I stand up and started to pace around the kitchen. When I finally had the courage to speak again I faced him.

_"Dad, I.. I'm gay. I'm in love with a.. a girl . She means everything to me and since we broke up I can't stop thinking and caring her. I tried dad, to get rid of these feeling but it won't go away. I broke up with her because I was afraid that it might hurt you. I'm your daughter and I'm still Imogen. Nothing will change between us, I promise."_ I said continuously. I looked down and started to cry.

After a minute dad stand up. I thought he is going to walk out on me but instead he approached me.

_"Fiona is lucky to have you."_ my dad's hands are now wiping my tears. I could not believe how he knew about her.

_"I'm sorry."_ I hugged him tight.

_"I also have a confession to make."_ he paused then smiled at me.

_"I knew about her even before you two broke up. At that time I was in denial. I saw your letters for her on your computer."_ he said smiling.

_"Dad! Those were private!"_ I sounded like a child about to throw a tantrum.

_"It's not my fault you forgot to turn it off. I was about to do it when I saw the word I love you at the end. My curiosity took over me, so I read all. I was hurt at first because I never thought you would be uhm…."_he pause as if having a hard time thinking the appropriate term.

_"Gay?"_ I said when he can't pronounce the word.

_"Yes, g..gay. So I went to a support group who's on same situation as mine. They made me realize how much you're struggling right now. And I have no right to be called your father if I'll be the first one to criticize you. I love you Imogen no matter who you love."_ he kissed me in the forehead. It made me cried more. I hugged him tight.

_"You're the best daddy in the whole world Mr. Moreno. I'm the luckiest daughter on earth."_ I managed to say while crying.

He just rubbed my back and kiss the top of my head.

I let go of him when we heard the bell rang. I can't wait to tell them what happened.

_"I'll get it dad._" I said happily but gave him a kiss on his cheeks before I went to the door.

_"Guys, it's good- "_ I said while opening the door but I was surprised to see who came to visit.

_"Holly J?"_

_...to be continued..._


End file.
